Wednesday, July 27, 2011

DMD (aka the derby mind demon)

So when I started roller derby,
I was the one that always took a little longer to grasp skills.
But I never let it get me down.
I went into the streets and practiced extra hard.
I always knew I would get there, and by there I mean I knew I would achieve the next goal.
I never felt like quitting, no matter how hard it got.

I mean anything that made me not care about, how big my bum was, or how my body looked at all, was well... worth it. After all I have had major body issues since grade 3 (yep primary school).

Derby made me feel strong and happy.
I rarely felt sad, as I had derby.

But just when you would think all my derby dreams came true.
I am at my derby lowest. I should be jumping over the moon.
I am drafted, to the team I wanted to be too.

I have worked for a little over a year to achieve this.
By worked I mean I have worked hard.
I couldn't skate at all, now I am a bouting skater.
That is a massive achievement.

But I feel like some one hit me with an eraser ray.
I feel like I know nothing about derby.
Also all the fears and self awkward crap ,
that derby seemed to magically erase.
Is back,
back with meaner
& more evil
& louder voices.

It's enough to make me want to quit.
Yep, the struggle that so many others face,
that I thought I never would.
Is punching me in the face.... hard.

Okay, this was a saved post that I was too scared to post a few months ago..
But I think it's important so I will post it.
Now with how I feel today.

So I have a bout and an amazing bootcamp under my belt.
I actually trust myself a bit more.

I would never EVER quit derby.

But I have also learned derby isn't a magical cure all.
Some issues have to be dealt with properly.
But I do always feel better with my skates on.

Some people will make you feel shit,
But over all the derby community is great.

On the days you feel shit, make sure you have a buddy at training.
One that won't make you cry for messing up a drill.

You are not going to like / get along with everyone in your league,
& not every one will like or get along with you.
That is okay!
But every one should still treat every one with some form of dignity & respect.
No matter peoples skating ability etc..

Some people will hurt you.
Don't let it get in the way of your skating.

Some people will encourage you with a bunch of words,
and those same words from someone else can make you cry for hours.

Don't let it get in the way of your skating.

All I know is that I love Derby,
for all it's magical highs, lows & in-between's.

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